Nollywood actress, Dayo Amusa recently shared a post on her gram and revealed the reason she attracts the wrong kind of men.
While one is not trying to be emotionally sentimental, we must admit that a lot of women struggle with getting Mr. Right, how much more, a celebrity. The problem is somewhat universal. Sharing her thoughts, Dayo revealed that her selflessness, thoughtfulness and the eagerness to ‘fix’ is her major weakness, the reason she attracts the wrong men.
However, she sincerely admitted to her failures at trying to ‘fix’ these men who were not fixable. Adding that she lost herself while trying to fix the wrong person and forgot that she was placing the person above her.
A lot of women think they are obligated to fix a man. However, Dayo’s message was clearly stated and precised. Women are not obligated to fix any man. A man who wants a lady, will take care of his personal garbage, get rid of whatever thing that will make his relationship suffer.
She wrote, “I used to be a fixer. I stayed in bad relationships, attracting the same type of men—men who needed to be fixed. I know so many women in the same position. We attract cheating men, commitment-phobic men, emotionally unavailable men, emotionally damaged men, alcoholics, drug abusers, narcissists and sociopaths.
It’s like we are a magnet for men whose pieces are shattered all over the place. And for some reason, we feel compelled to put these pieces back together. But I must admit, I have failed every single time. I never gave myself a chance to sit back and question my motives. Instead of asking why I constantly felt obligated to pick up someone else’s broken pieces, I ran to pick them up without a second thought. Being selfless made me think that coming second didn’t matter because I was putting someone else’s worthiness first. And in the end, rank doesn’t matter, right?
I realised that the reason I was attracting these types of men was because I believed I could save them. As selfless, thoughtful, giving women, we think we will be “that woman”—the one who will change them. We think we can turn a cheater into a loyal boyfriend. We think we can help him walk away from the drugs and alcohol. We believe we can help him get over his commitment issues and aim for a stable future with us. We trust that we can get rid of the emotional baggage that he has been carrying for years.
We attract these men because we believe they need us. And to leave them would be selfish, insensitive and ruthless.
The sad news is, we constantly blame ourselves when they don’t change. Every time they fail us, we think it’s because we failed them. Their hold on us becomes stronger; they keep us around knowing they have nothing to offer. “